Saturday, December 01, 2012

Jesus

I've always wanted to draw Jesus, but never did for reasons that could only be known between He and I. It was this evening, without thinking much, hesitant still at first, but it was very brief, and there, the very first sketch of Him. The other is my left hand that has been given to me. My hands....my sight...I thank God for them. I've been really dissapointed by many setbacks, especially in my quest to bring my limited skills to the next level. I've prepared mentally and called/emailed...even sketched a drawing, ready for admission submission. but in the end, nothing was sent because after much calculation on the finances and number of years required, my goal is too far and too impossible for me. everytime when i'm near, something will be pulled away from me, letting me fall, having to pick myself up again and again and again and again....how many 'and again' do i still have? I do not know what is the meaning of all these. i think i'll never will. I am at a stage, which i'm not unfamiliar with, that i do not know what am i doing anymore. what is the purpose of drawing/painting/sketching when all will lead me to continuous disappointments....

5 comments:

lillalotta said...

I am not sure what goal you seek to achieve, or what level you wish to reach, but I find you express yourself beautifully, with so much feeling. I am in awe of your work, you are truly blessed. Sending hugs and warmth, Anna

constance wong said...

Thank you so much Anna! Hugs!!! Throughout the years, in my journey in finding myself in this world of art, i've been blessed with wonderful friends like you, encouraging me all the way. I'm really thankful for this. The level that i'm in right now is not sufficient for me to express my thoughts entirely or in the form that i would like to. Remember i used to say that it is more important to paint with feelings than with skills? I was foolish, because this can only be applied to those with skills. "Poems' come too early for me that i find it so hard to express through limited skills. Now, it is too late for me to improve them professionally. sometimes it's like as if i'm a mute, trying to shout but no words can be heard. it is this frustrating. I guess maybe God wants me to do something else...i'm not sure...but i really cannot imagine my life without art...

Malaysian in the US said...

I am a loyal fan of your brother. I think I stumbled upon your blog around the time you did some drawings for your bro's album. I haven't finished reading all of your blog posts from 2006. But it sounds like you're struggling to achieve your dream in the world of arts in the face of reality. I just wanted to drop you a line and wish you the best of luck! Hope it will work out for you eventually...

constance wong said...

Thank you so much 'Malaysian in the US'. I'm really touched by your wish and also of your support of my brother. Are you studying in the US now? Hope all is well and that you have a wonderful and blessed Christmas!

Malaysian in the US said...

Hello... Hope you don't mind, I have deicded to send my response to your Yahoo email, since this is a public forum. :)