Monday, December 12, 2011

from then to now




it's been a while since i last posted anything illustrative...
it's been a while since i last have more then 2 comments...
for my visitors may not be used to my current state of expression...
this progression (or perhaps, considered deterioration to most) from being cute to whimsical,
from whimsical to melancholic, from melancholic to darker leanings...and from darker leanings to another struggle of being truthful...no matter how ugly the truth is...
when will i ever find the fit?

although i'm still struggling
i'm willing to continue with it
be persistent, at my most positive
hoping someday
the truth can be more beautifully expressed, conveyed...
although the sentence :What is it all for? still lingers
i shall try to stand up and take the brush and learn again
until i cannot take the falls any longer...


but i hope you'll bear with me
and come back to visit me every now and then
that perhaps someday
when you visit me again
i'll be better in my paintings
or perhaps you'll be able to understand then,
what i've been trying to express now
during my transitional state...

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Self study



observing one self
is a very humbling experience...

trying my best to not cover my flaws
trying to see who i really am..
be honest to how i really feel...



.....

oil sketch on board

.....

Sunday, November 20, 2011

The few words that hold the whole para...

today, is a memorable day
for the first time, one of my heels gave way while i was finding my way to an art gallery
and you know what?

it decided to give way right infront of an expensive boutique. i looked around frantically for some other 'cheaper' looking boutiques but unfortunately, none was in sight...

i had no choice but to limp right up to the boutique and all they have are heels that are so high that looking at them was enough to cause a recurrence of slip disc.

but i had no choice, and there goes enough of money to buy a few more tubes of oil paints...for a pair of heels that i would never ever consider buying under normal circumstances.

but then again, i should be really thankful that there WAS a boutique for me to get into right in front of me or else i would have to discard the other heel and walk barefooted back to a shopping complex a few blocks away where my car was parked and i wouldn't have continued my journey to the art gallery after that, and i would never have viewed a meaningful art exhibition by an amazing artist. yes, i'm truly blessed.

.......


God must still want me to be inspired....

......



and therefore...a quick oil sketch before dinner the next night...

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Painting in progress





worked on this a little further...

Sunday, November 06, 2011

A glimpse of WIP



a painting in progress, in my 'studio' (which is the toilet)....


this took me about 5 hours since lunch time yesterday just to reach this stage. although this is my first time painting this big, i didn't expect it to take that long...continued after dinner for a few more hours...and well, will continue again today..i just hope i won't spoil it in the process...

i'm so 'groggy' today...where's my coffee?


update:

i spoiled it....

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

gold




oil on wood board

Monday, September 19, 2011

S.O.S




i wake up early every morning
ample time to get prepared to go to the office
but what would i rather do?

paint a little bit more...
analyse a little bit more...
study inspirational works a little bit more
till i'm always a few minutes late to work

for the past few months
if you noticed
i've been posting a little more often than last year
that's a sign...
but what will i do this time?
what should i do?

why must they still force me to stay
when i so want to run away?

why must they force me to commit?
when i'm not even ready
i'll never be ready for anything
except for the sake of art...

how i wish for the opportunity to be mentored, to be guided
by a wise painter...


all my postings...
they are just my S.O.S....

Friday, September 16, 2011

Wish





i have a secret wish..
that someday,
a great painter that i admire
will offer himself
to be my art mentor
and take me away
from what i'm not meant to do...
before it's too late...

Thursday, September 15, 2011

My Nephews



I am a proud aunt of 3 nephews :) 2 are already teenagers and the littlest is only 6years old.

recently my eldest nephew Jeff and his team (Positive Crew - how cool is that :D)won 3rd prize in a yearly talent competition, which is quite a big thing for teens here in Malaysia.

check them out here!



I'm so proud of his determination. Elvis, my 2nd nephew, Jeff's younger brother is also really quite good in singing and i'm sure someday he'll be showing off on stage with his singing skills! He's quite handsome too ;) and tall. Both my nephews are taller than i - in fact, i think i'm the shortest in the family - if you don't count the 6 year old :D

My littlest nephew Rufus, their youngest brother is a very serious little guy :D he's very proper and i wonder if someday he'll be a top scholar :D i don't have a photo of him in this laptop that i'm using...i'll show him to you guys someday.

sigh...it seems like it was just yesterday that they were still little and naughty and jumping and climbing around like monkeys! I missed those years but i do look forward to their future which i pray will turn out to be what they hoped and worked for.

i love you nephews!

Monday, September 05, 2011

eye bags





this is just an exercise before bedtime last night.

oil on cake base.

i'm obsessed with eye bags...


Thursday, September 01, 2011

untitled 2011





.....
oil on wood
.....

Saturday, August 20, 2011

the eyes



a face is just a face if there is no life in the eyes...

how i admire those great painters
who are able to convey emotions with just a few dabs of paint to indicate the eye area.


.......
oil on MDF board
.......

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

what is it all for?




sometimes, i wonder what is it all for?


........
oil on board. writing in pastel.
........

Sunday, August 07, 2011

when words fail..





oil on MDF board

....


when all words fail...
.....

Monday, August 01, 2011

first time with clay



i happen to be at the sculpting section of the art store that i frequent for my painting supplies yesterday, and thought "why not?"

i have no idea how to go about it but well, a face emerged!
the clay dried so fast that it was really hard to knead them into places...or maybe i didin't knead them the right way?.

how i wish i could just fly out of Malaysia and take a professional course on sculpting.

.............
another photo of previous painting, but now taken with a proper camera and not a phone camera...

Monday, July 25, 2011

another face




..........
oil on board
...........

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

smoking again





i need to smoke every now and then
and i think it shows even in my works.

...........
oil on board
...........

Sunday, July 17, 2011

persistence






there are signs of recurrence..
for a few weeks now, i could feel the strain on my back and slight tingling sensation on my right leg again...
conveniently, my painting sessions were blamed by others..

but instead of avoiding the bathroom yesterday (where i paint...don't worry, this is an unused spare bathroom) i dragged myself in and spent a few hours at the easel painting yet another visitor of my imaginary world...she must have arranged for an appointment with me earlier on for all i wanted to do is to paint...

and although my back felt worse after painting, my spirit was soothed and calmed...and with that, who could tell that i was actually in pain?


..........
oil on board
..........

Monday, July 11, 2011

Possession





i wonder sometimes
if the faces that i've painted
had ever lived

i'd like to believe
they must have existed
somewhere...
sometime...




...................

oil on board
...................

Sunday, July 10, 2011

the return of the side view, high-nosed woman





does she not look familiar? she used to appear in my sketches on corner of my books, memo pads, etc...she was never in oil...

last night, i decided to give her a more permanent place...oil on board.

i hope she'll like her new status...and i wonder if you like it too?

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Between Cute-ism and Skilled-ism





top: Oil on wood
bottom: Oil on canvas

.......................

i went to a place yesterday, a place i was looking forward to go to, hoping to see inspiring works....
but all i could see,
is social-ism and
cute-ism without depth...
..........

feeling dissapointed,
i went to another floor where a pop art gallery is situated
and there were many paintings that i was attracted to
the kind that i wish i could do.

as i browse along the gallery's wall, i noticed a few familiar modern paintings
and asked the gallery owner if these are original works
he told me that they are reproductions...

why do these artists choose to reproduce other artists' works?
look at their skills. there are 'educated' strokes there...
they are world apart from those that i saw at the art and craft fair.
they could easily paint something beautiful of their own with such skills.

again, i walked out of the gallery, dissapointed...and disturbed...

how then, could i, an 'uneducated' artist wannabe (aging as well), make it in the world of 'cute-ism' and 'popular-ism' and 'fashion-ism', when even skillfull artists makes a living by becoming 'copy' artists...

Sunday, June 12, 2011

wasting paint





i'm such a messed up person...the one with the red thingy thing was actually a big mistake but i couldn't just waste the whole MDF board so i just continued with it and wasted a few more hours of my life...