Friday, March 30, 2007

Because of you....



.......

for you, for being there....thank you, xie-xie, gracias.....

.............




Monday, March 19, 2007

Unfiltered thoughts....

The thought of giving up trying passed through my mind many times since mid last year....after which, I picked myself up again and with clenched fist, forced the thought out again
by thinking positive thoughts...and with the help of my precious friends' supportive comments, I continued my search....till my next slump, when no words of encouragement could get through to me.....this can't go on...

There's something that I cannot clearly define....this unsatisfied feeling.....discontentment....(how true is the phrase: Happiness is Simplicity...).....I'm in search of my direction...in art....if I cannot find that, how on earth am I going to even take the first step to my dream???

And what is my dream???? To become a children's storybook illustrator....or so I thought.....but somehow, to be really really honest with myself and a rather painful realization....at my most positive, I feel that there seemed to be something else.....at my very worst, well, you won't want to know.....

The struggle within...they are becoming unbearable...what is holding me back from releasing all that's supposed to be released? Have I become too 'politically correct', even through paintbrushes and mouse?????

It is as if my brain is purging....through my hands...the never ending strokes, lines, curves and shapes....but when will 'the one' appear? When will my latest work, looked back after a few days not emit the pungent smell that always makes me want to run away and throw away my brushes and pencils?......

I have searched, but my positive mind is telling me: Maybe I've not searched or tried hard enough or this is not the right way...etc...

but how long do I need to do this? my energy is leaving me.....I'm slowly giving up......a gradual death...though I know, the cue should have been:"but I must go on, I must not give up, wake up"......but this is the actual thought that came to my mind.....and I shall let it out of my system without filtering them this time......

I might regret writing when I'm in the midst of this turmoil the next day, but I must say that this is my most honest, unfiltered thoughts of my art directions that I've ever typed down.....

Friday, March 16, 2007

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Hidden for IF



Hiding sorrows
behind exclamation marks....
Filtering inner thoughts
with a sequence of dots...
how difficult it is
to see through one's mind
from a paragraph
of protected marks
and dots....




Thursday, March 01, 2007